Black Humor

 Page 10 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
Life is like a prick. When it's hard you get fucked. When it's soft you can't beat it.

H.C. Friedman




Earth First! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

Bumpersticker




Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons




Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit!

Bumper sticker




Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Theodore Sturgeon




Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles- watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

David Letterman




My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright




Las Vegas is a town built on bad math.

Penn of Penn & Teller




Magic [embodies] the concept of lying turned into an art form.

Teller of Penn & Teller




"This is not a court of Justice, young man, it is a court of Law!"

Oliver Holmes Jr., U.S. Supreme Court Justice




Run for office? No, I have slept with too many women, done too many drugs and been to too many parties.

George Clooney




Smile. Tomorrow's going to be worse.

Frost




Life's hard, wear a helmet




The secret to life is that there is no secret at all and you don't get your money back.

Faith Hill Country Music Song




"Beauty is just a light switch away".

Nacole Alyshia Bua




Boy Scout: Kid dressed like an idiot led by an idiot who's dressed like a kid.

Devils Dictionary




A rebel with a cause is a hero; a rebel without one is stupid.

Jason Wells




Buy me another beer. Your still ugly.

John Helmer




"What women do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close."

Tori Amos




Men are like tile floors, lay them down right the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Lisa Tarbox




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