Black Humor

 Page 16 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
Top 5 things never to say to a cop:
  1. Want a doughnut?
  2. Hold my beer will you?
  3. Don't look in the trunk please.
  4. Are you just pulling me over cause I am drunk?
  5. Can I play with your gun?

Snoop




Mickey Mouse is a rat.




Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money.

COOL!




Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Bumper sticker




For refund, insert baby here.

Graffiti on condom machine




Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes and it is our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd like to have dinner with.




Before I sit down I want to say one word to the men who are present. I fear you think the "new woman" is going to wipe you off the planet, but be not afraid. All who have mothers, sisters, wives, or sweethearts will be very well looked after.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton




It will be a great day when schools get all the money they need and the airforce has to hold a bakesale to buy a bomber.

Bumper Sticker




Due to management cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will now be switched off.

Graffiti




Wife and dog missing. Reward for the dog.

Bumper Sticker




The more you bet, the more you win. Unless you really need to win, then you will be taken to the cleaners on about 10 seconds flat.

Tom Wright




We really don't have enemies, it's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us




Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me...

Bart Simpson




Crazy? Once I was crazy. They locked me in a room to die. Die? I don't want to die. All the mice will get me. Mice? I hate mice. They drive me crazy. Crazy? Once I was crazy. They locked....

Tom Wright




I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen




Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't drink and drive.....

Leave that to me.




Rock journalism is people who can't write talking to people who can't talk for people who can't read.

Frank Zappa




If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.




Realism is just an excuse for pessimism.

Rebecca Schoen




Psychology is the study of everyone's bullshit.

Taylor




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