Black Humor

 Page 21 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
My inner child just killed itself.

vivid




Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Sugar Daddy




Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

Erica Jong




Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils.

Hector Berlioz




Have fun in the sun, get laid in the shade!

D. Holbeck




It's good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl.

Ancient Wisdom




I have the heart of a child - I keep it in a jar

Stephen King




We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Robert Wilensky, University of California COOL!




God, protect me from your followers...

Bumper Sticker




YOU!! Out of the gene pool.

Bumper Sticker




Hello! How are you doing? You think time is precious, huh? Well, I would like to tell you, you just wasted about 7 seconds of you life reading this stupid thing.

David H. Kim




Why are you reading this? The joke is in your pants.

Public Toilet




Sometimes the best way to get rid of the fleas is to just kill the damn cat.

Scuzzo




God made pot... Man made beer... Who do you trust?

Katie Santo




I'm not schizophrenic... At least, that's what the voices tell me.




At least egotistical people don't talk about others.

Mike De La Vina




I went to the doctor the other day and he said I was a paranoid schizophrenic... Well, he didn't actually say it, but we know what he was thinking.

Lily Savage




It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
So what? Then all the games you play are more fun because you can not see what is coming.




When you find out the ultimate answer - be sure to act surprised.

Bradford Fullerton




You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.

P. Benchley




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