Black Humor

 Page 30 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
The man who goes alone can start when he is ready, but the man who travels with another has to wait until he is ready.

Henry David Thoreau




Man who fart in church, sit in his own pew.

Probably not Confucius




If it wasn't for people like that, people like us wouldn't look so good.

Steve Schmidt, 1986




Oh I love children... but I couldn't eat a whole one.




Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and suck forever.




Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate fuckers.




Dick is the saddest thing on the planet. It's got an eye that can't see, a head with no brain, and has 3 neighbours which 2 are nuts, while the other is an asshole.




Roses are red,
the sun is gold.
Get on your knees,
and do as you're told.




Help stop rape, say yes.




I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.

Bumpersticker




If pigs could fly, everyone would carry umbrellas.




Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness goes right to the bone.




Think of how stupid the average person is. Now remember: approximately half of everyone is stupider than that.

George Carlin (paraphase)




Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching you.

Scott Adams (Dilbert) COOL!




I used to work at a juvenile detention center. And you know what my favorite part was? Watching the kids get taken away in handcuffs, crying.

History teacher's first words to his class




Why go to high school when you can go to school high?




High school is the four years of your life that you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget.




Q: What do you call a Roman person who just ate some pussy?
A: Gladiator (Glad he ate her)




You're more useless than a pair of tits on a nun.




Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.




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