Black Humor

 Page 31 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
Be kind to your children. They choose your nursing home.

Bumper Sticker




Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.

Bumber Sticker




A lot of people say I should become a priest because I'm so good with children.




Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Philander Johnson




Kill 1-20 and you're a Murderer
Kill 30 - 1000 and you're a Terrorist
Kill 10.000 - 20 million and you're a Conqueror/Dictator
Kill Everyone and you're God




That which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise cause you intense pain while still not making you stronger and only teaching you that that which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise still hurt.

Shahnawaz Zaheer




Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of




"No matter where you go in the world, there never seems to be a shortage of idiots"

DJ Allen




In all honesty you could slit my throat today and with my one last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

Jon Mosora




Hire the handi-capped: they don't work very well but at least they're fun to watch.




Bisexual's Creedo: If you're only going one way, you're missing half the fun.

Cell-block Wisdom




Support mental health or I'll kill you!

T-shirt




"My mother made me a lesbian"

Written below that in different handwriting:
"If I got her the right supplies, could she make me one too?"

Bathroom Graffiti




Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts




If you've only known a girl for a week or two and she invites you over to light candles and hold her in your arms forever... she misses her ex-boyfriend.

Dave Competello




There is more probability of aliens than there is of god so why is it that when someone says they believe in aliens, they are completely crazy. But if they believe in some all powerful invisible dude in the sky, they are on the road to success?




Stan: Why does a third of the world hate us?
Afghani-Stan: Because you don't realise that a third of the world hates you!

South Park




Its not easy being a penis. I have a head I can't think with, an eye I can't see out of, I live with 2 nuts, my closest neighbor is an asshole, my best friend is a pussy and my owner beats me all the time.

T-shirt




Save your ammo: eat roadkill.




A womans place is on a man's face!




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