Black Humor

 Page 31 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
At one time or another I have insulted everybody, and I am proud of that. Folks, let me sum it up for you: I think religion is bad, and drugs are good. I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun and young people should be discouraged from voting. I think stereotypes are true, abstinence is a pervsion, Bush?s lies are worse than Clinton?s and there is nothing sexy about being old or pregnant. I think 9-11 changed nothing, and if I had known the onset of war would add a hundred points on to Bush?s IQ, I would have started one. I think pornography stops rape, I think AIDS ribbons are stupid, and flag burning makes me feel patriotic. I think death is not the worst thing that can happen. I think people have too much self-esteem, and being drunk is funny. I think children are not innocent, God doesn?t write books, and Jesus wasn?t a republican. I am for mad cow disease, and against suing tobacco companies. I think girls hate each other, no doesn?t always mean no, you have to lie to stay married, women?s sports are boring, and the Olympics are gay. We?ll be on for another six weeks here on ABC?

Bill Maher




Be kind to your children. They choose your nursing home.

Bumper Sticker




Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.

Bumber Sticker




A lot of people say I should become a priest because I'm so good with children.




Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Philander Johnson




Kill 1-20 and you're a Murderer
Kill 30 - 1000 and you're a Terrorist
Kill 10.000 - 20 million and you're a Conqueror/Dictator
Kill Everyone and you're God




That which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise cause you intense pain while still not making you stronger and only teaching you that that which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise still hurt.

Shahnawaz Zaheer




Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of




"No matter where you go in the world, there never seems to be a shortage of idiots"

DJ Allen




In all honesty you could slit my throat today and with my one last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

Jon Mosora




Hire the handi-capped: they don't work very well but at least they're fun to watch.




Bisexual's Creedo: If you're only going one way, you're missing half the fun.

Cell-block Wisdom




Support mental health or I'll kill you!

T-shirt




"My mother made me a lesbian"

Written below that in different handwriting:
"If I got her the right supplies, could she make me one too?"

Bathroom Graffiti




Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts




If you've only known a girl for a week or two and she invites you over to light candles and hold her in your arms forever... she misses her ex-boyfriend.

Dave Competello




There is more probability of aliens than there is of god so why is it that when someone says they believe in aliens, they are completely crazy. But if they believe in some all powerful invisible dude in the sky, they are on the road to success?




Stan: Why does a third of the world hate us?
Afghani-Stan: Because you don't realise that a third of the world hates you!

South Park




Its not easy being a penis. I have a head I can't think with, an eye I can't see out of, I live with 2 nuts, my closest neighbor is an asshole, my best friend is a pussy and my owner beats me all the time.

T-shirt




Save your ammo: eat roadkill.




01   02   03   04   05   06   07   08   09   10  
11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20  
21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30  
31   32   33   34   35   36   37   38   39   40  
41  
Next Page >>