Black Humor

 Page 32 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
A womans place is on a man's face!




Suicide hotline, please hold....




Never fight ugly people. They have nothing to lose.

Keychain




If you place a frog in boiling water, it will jump right back out. But if you put the frog in cold water and heat it gradually, it will sit there and slowly roast alive.

Science Teacher




"Ah... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again!"

50 things you wish you could say at work.




Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Matt Groening




The world is going to Hell, and I am doing my part.

Bumper sticker




Mary had a little sheep,
And in her bed it would sleep.
Story turns out, it was a ram,
So now Mary has a little lamb.




Roll, roll, roll your joint.
Twist it in the end,
Light it up and take a puff
Then pass it to a friend!




City morgue: You kill 'em, we chill' em.




I hope this song touches you like your father does!

Tom Delonge, Blink 182




If you have sex with your clone, are you gay or are you masturbating?




The difference between priests and acne is that at least acne waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face.




The best diet in the world is scratching your ass and smelling your fingers.




I ran into my ex the other day. Hit reverse and hit him again!




Restraining Orders: Just another way of saying "I love you"

T-Shirt




Old mother Hubberd went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, but when she bent over, rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.




The most powerful position is on your knees.

Sign outside of a baptist church




Next time you have a bad day, imagine this: You are a Siamese twin. Your brother that is attached to you at the shoulder is gay. You are not. But you only have one arse.




"Touching the Future"

The Archdiocesse of Cincinnati's slogan for 2002




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