Black Humor

 Page 33 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
Don't talk more shit than your ass can produce.




Guy: "Were you raised on a chicken farm?"
Girl: "No, why?"
Guy: "Cause you sure know how to raise some cock!"




Porn: It's cheaper than dating.

Bumper sticker




There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

Raoul Duke, about Dr. Gonzo




Useless act deemed necessary by our great nation's government: Swabbing the death row inmate's arm with alcohol just before the lethal injection.




Reality is just a crutch for people who can't deal with drugs!

Bumper Sticker




I'm not an alchemist, I can't turn shit into gold!




A trumpet player only knows three dynamics: Loud, Louder, and Loudest.

Stephanie Tucker




What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.




If only my wife was this Dirty!

Written on the back of a bus window covered in Dirt




You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.

Only God knows why, Kid Rock




Give a dog a tasty name and eat him.

Book of unusual proverbs




I dance like a special ed kid holding sparklers

Patton Oswalt on Jimmy Kimmel Live 5/9/03




How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up like an Alter boy.




If it was the thought that counts... I would have been laid by many women

Kyle McCaffrey




I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

Monica Piper




Spear Britney...

T-shirt




"You know son, if you masterbate often enough you will go blind"
"Over here dad"

Laughs for Lunatics




I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.

Edgar Allen Poe




I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, but it was some bastard with a torch carrying more work.




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