Black Humor

 Page 34 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
Serial killers are people too!




Never despise anything that brings you to your knees.

Sign outside a local church




Life is like a fart; you never know how long it's going to last or how bad its gonna stink




There's a fine line between courage and stupidity...

Jhonny Knoxville




POLITICS: Poly meaning many, tics meaning those little bloodsucking bugs.




Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop.




I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next." They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.




Dyslexia for cure found!

Naked Gun 33.3




I have never quite understood the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" What's the difference?Eventually it'll end up empty, thrown away and alone.

-Anon.




Participating in an auction on E-Bay is like participating in the Special Olympics. Even if you win,you're still retarded.

Aaron Flippo




You were in a band called Electric Sheep. Electric Sheep? Dude, what exactly were you thinking at that time? "In a world of bands called Limp Bizkit and Hoobastank, Electric Sheep rolls off the tongue like a Shakespearean love sonnet. Leave me alone."

Tom Morello




The pepper-box: what a lovely little instrument. Once a man went so far as to pull the trigger, all bets were off. It might discharge one chamber, or two, or all might go. The only sure thing was that that there was no safe place to be but behind it.

Mark Twain




You can't get a no if you don't ask.




Everyone likes to think that in the past everything was so quaint, so charming. Neighbors knew each other. Kids didn't have sex. It's a freakin' fairy-tale. Life sucked then, too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.

Gilmore Girls television series




There is only one sure means in life of ensuring that you are not ground into paste by disappointment, futility and disillusion and that is always to ensure, to the utmost of your ability, that you are doing it solely for the money.

The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay




I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed there would be no more war.

Abbie Hoffman, 1960s revolutionary.




INCEST: A game the whole family can play.

Rich H




Don't follow in my footsteps for I walk into walls.

Brittany Buzbee




I have tried to see things from your point of view, but no matter how hard I try, or what I do, I just can't get my head that far up my ass.

Salvador Ortiz




Humanity is falling in a downward spiral towards a cesspool of ignorance and simplicity. Bring your floaties.

Rian Zeleny




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