Black Humor

 Page 36 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
I want to name my kids after people I hate, so I can beat them - and feel good about it.




Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end . . .

Jerry Seinfeld




Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash!

Jerry Seinfeld




I would never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong.




I fear the ignorance of others has stifled my genius.

Chris Capozzi




Childhood ends when you find out there are no monsters in your closet........and that they are really walking the streets.

Mike Hutchison




I reserve my right to hate you, not because of your skin color or culture, but because you are an idiot.

Mike Hutchison




Mankind is inherently evil. We have laws, committees, religion, and norms to simply protect us from ourselves with the intent to delay our inevitable self-destruction.

Matt Hutchison




NASA spent 8 years and $12 billion developing a pen that could write in space. It needed to be able to work in zero gravity, at a range of temperatures, and be able to write on any surface. The Russians used a pencil.

Unknown




Diplomacy is telling someone to "Go to Hell" in such a way, they look forward to taking the trip.

Model UN Motto




The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.




Black fella talkin to a white fella: Dear white fella, when I'm born I'm black. When I grow up I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm sick I'm black, and when I die I am STILL black.

And you white fellas, you're born pink, you grow up white, when you're cold you're blue, when you're in the sun your red, when you're sick you're green and when you die you turn grey... and you call ME colored!




Time flies when you're in a coma




Express lane: Five beers or less

Graffiti over urinal




Video games don't ruin kids. If Pac-Man ruined us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened rooms, eating "magic" pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. Hey, wait. That is true!




Because men sweat up to 50% more than women

A large banner advertising




What you believe is wrong. My opinion is fact.

Ivan Foul




Perception is Reality. Facts are negotiable.




Jesus is coming, everyone look busy!

Bumper Sticker




2 in every one people are schitzophrenic!

Shaun Allen




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