Black Humor

 Page 39 of 41 (819 quotes in this category)
I have a new life goal: get drunk enough to see the devil, take a few good pictures, sell them on eBay, become rich.

Jake Brigham




"God, family, beer"

Black Label Society




"Thou shall not spilleth thy beer"

Black Label Society




"Meetings: None of Us Is as Dumb as All of Us"

Despair Inc




"When you earnestly believe you can compensate for lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do."

Despair Inc.




"If we don't protect the few people at the very top of society so that they can continue to rip off the common folk to make billions upon billions of dollars in profits, then by God, the terrorists have already won!"




RELIGIOUS quote

brain




To be mathematically correct, the glass is always half full. I hate maths. --Eleanor Irving--

the brain of eleanor




Virginity is like a bubble. One prick and its all gone.

Heather




If There Is Nothing To Lie For Then Don't Live Because There IS No Point Just Die Knowing You Tried Somthing!

?????????




If you are on death row do they sterilize the needle before your lethal injection?

Dr. O




Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.

Joseph Heller




I pity the poet whose litterary genius is aroused by the smell of shit!

Read on a restroom wall, under a poem




What? They're like any holiday photographs. A bunch of people stood around squinting, and didn't realise they were that fat.

TV show 'Black Books'




It was a thrill to recreate with you, but now our association ends! You have brought nothing but pain, penury and strife into my days. I wish you good fortune in whatever avenue of life you assault with your presence!

TV show 'Black Books'




Friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies.

Anonymous




Life is like a jar of jalapenos. It doesn't matter what you take, it's gonna blow up your ass




"Married men live longer. Yes. And an indoor cat also lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit, that can only look out on a world it can never enjoy. But it does technically live longer."

Bill Maher




"Suicide is our way of saying to God, 'You can't fire me, I quit!'"

Bill Maher




The prolblem with the gene pool is that there's no life guard.

Steven Wright




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