Black Humor

 Page 41 of 42 (821 quotes in this category)
As I was saying the other day, interrupted by a 5 year imprisonment...

A Lecturer




In a survey when asked what you fear most from the opposite sex, the majority of men said they are afraid women will laugh at them. The majority of women said they are afraid men will rape and/or murder them.

A book called The Gift of Fear




Worst part of the night, sober enough to remember her number and drunk enough to call.




Beauty is only sin deep

Saki




Having a girlfriend is like a game you got to play and play untill you score.




"In a sea of retards, you're Poseidon."

Corpse Fairy




Politics is like trying to screw a cat in the ass.

Charles Bukowski




"I'm thinkin about takin my own life, I might aswell. Except they might not sell weed in hell...




When I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence.

Ricky Bobby




"Sanity for the sake of sanity is insane"




"I feel like a goldpainted turd. Beautiful on the outside but shit on the inside"

Keith having a bad hangover




"It helps me pass the time whilst I wait to die"

Keith about the tv-series American Dad




"Jesus died for our sins; if you don't sin he died for nothing"




I don't suffer from Laziness, I enjoy every minute of it.




"America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of Civilization"

Georges Clemenceau




We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately.

Benjamin Franklin




Nixon appears to be an entirely humorless man, the only thing i can imagine him laughing at is a paraplegic democrat who can't reach the voting lever

Hunter S. Thompson




(on the U.S) You wonder about a country where the bombs are smarter than the high-school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on a map.

Whitney Brown




Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.




Don't smoke, kids! Unless you're on fire. Then it's only natural.




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