Laughs

 Page 13 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
Buy land, they have quit making it!

Scott Salley




"If you can read this, then you're close enough that I can slam on my brakes and sue you for all you're worth".

Bumper Sticker




How many Scots does it take to screw in a light bulb?

20. One to hold the light bulb and the rest to get drunk enough to make the room spin.

Friend of mine




Think globally, act loco.

J. Killian




Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon.

Susan Ertz




"Is there a number higher than infinity?" "Oh yes- infinity plus shipping and handling"

Johnny Carson (The Tonight Show)




One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Emo Phillips




This momentous moment marks the concluding conclusion of your trip to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Phil Miskovic




There is no gun there to kill you, unless there's a person behind it pulling the trigger!

Some idiot




Cover me, I'm changing lanes.

Bumper sticker




Here I sit with downcast glance,
tried to fart but shit my pants

Bathroom graffiti




I don't want the whole world, just your half.

Side of Building in New York




When people say "I'm gonna kick your ass!", they never kick your ass, they punch you in the face.




When you get gloomy, just take and hour off and sit and think about how much better this world is than hell. Of course, it won't cheer you up if expect to go there.

Don Marquis




The greatest definition of success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal.

Earl Nightingale




I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Friends




It may be Winter outside, but it's always Summer in your armpit.

Tommy Gorman




Even a blind pig finds an acorn every now and then.




A word to the wise ain't necessary, its the stupid ones who need all the advice.

Bill Cosby




Eat healthy, exercise more, still die.




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