Laughs

 Page 25 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
If life is just a stage, then we are all running around ad-libbing, with absolutely no clue what the plot is. Maybe that's why we don't know whether it's a comedy or a tragedy.

Bill Watterson




Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.




There ain't no devil, ther'e just God when he's drunk.

Tom Waits




My other car is a porsche

Bumper sticker




I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx




Some people say "shoot" instead of "shit." They can't fool me, man. "Shoot" is "shit" with two o's.

George Carlin




We spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

Men's room graffiti




One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can't. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. The Hingefreel people of Arkintoofle Minor did try to build spaceships that were powered by bad news but they didn't work particularly well and were so extremely unwelcome whenever they arrived anywhere that there wasn't really any point in being there.

Douglas Adams, "Mostly Harmless"




Sex on TV is bad. You may fall off.

Brian Litterell




I must be a mushroom because I'm always kept in the dark and fed bullshit.

Northwest territory magazine




No matter how badly idiots outnumber you... they are still the idiots!

Daria




Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Amber




I think therefore I am severly concerned.




I plan to live forever... So far so good.

Lauren




See the happy moron - he doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron - by God! Perhaps I am!




If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?




I am not fat... I prefer to think of myself as subcutaneously gifted.

P. J. Sexton




"The higher you are, the farther you fall."

Richard Bodiford




The difference between involved and committed can best be explained using a bacon and egg breakfast as an example: The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.




If you can't face it, moon it.

Ashley Heiskell




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