Laughs

 Page 27 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
When was a lad, there was only one Germany, Latvia, Estonia, Khazachstan, Eusbekistan, Bosnia, Herzegovina; and then it all changed. And then it all changed back again. Those changes cost the lives of 66 million people. But it didn't cost me a penny -- 'cause I kept my old atlas.

Old Man




I think slangs are existing for make fun of foreign exchange students.

One foreign exchange student from Japan




There is no such thing as a bisexual... just greedy people.

Scott Meska




You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin. But you can't let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it! You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!

The Tick, from the TV show




Gennifer Flowers was asked recently if her sexual relationship with Bill Clinton was similar to the one he had with Monica Lewinsky. She replied, \"Close, but no cigar.\"

Fail, #poolside




"A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind."




Turn on, tune in, drop out

Timothy Leary




You suffer from the oral-anal reversal problem... you're either talking shit or talking out-of-your-ass, but you don't know which.

Maj Chip Krokoski




If your robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh. And let the hostages laugh too, becasue I mean, come on, Life is funny!

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey




Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Johnny Carson




I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Edgar Allan Poe




I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

Woody Allen




It was a brave man who ate the first oyster.




Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

Great Moments in Marketing




There's too much blood in my caffeine system.




This isn't school! This is Hell with flourecent lighting!

Shawn




"How's a beer sound, Norm?"

"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

Norm Peterson, "Cheers"




"What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"

"Going Down?"

Norm Peterson, "Cheers"




"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."

"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

Norm Peterson, "Cheers"




"Whatcha up to, Norm?"

"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

Norm Peterson, "Cheers"




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