Laughs

 Page 3 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.

Steve Martin




I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan




I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.




If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.

Jarl Borsen




It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.

Dolph Sharp




Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.




Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.




Oh John, let's not park here.
Oh John, let's not park.
Oh John, let's not.
Oh John, let's.
Oh John.
Oh.




Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.




Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... the other eight are unimportant.

Henry Miller




Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)

Probably not Julius Caesar




"My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex".

Ogge!




You are without a doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pimping, pocketpicking, thrice double-damned, no-good son-of-a-bitch.

I feel better now, thanks




Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.




I think I could fall madly in bed with you.




If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.




A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.




Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them."




The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.

From an article on the growth
of federal regulations in the
Oct. 24th issue of National Review




Americans never recognize an idea unless it has white wings or a forked tail.

H.L. Mencken, 1920s




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