Laughs

 Page 32 of 94 (1879 quotes in this category)
One good thing about Hell at least, is that you can probably pee wherever you want to.

Jack Handey




The Kindergarten Theory for sex offenders:
If you can't play with your toys properly, you get them taken away.

Phil and I




I believe that Marx was only off by a suffix, it's not communism that can save us, but communication.

Krist Novoselic




If you see me running, try to keep up.

Back of bomb technician's shirt




Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away.

Garron Dace




One night, I was lying in bed looking up at the stars, when suddenly I said to myself, "Hey, where the Hell did my ceiling go?"




There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.




When you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Homer Simpson




If you have a chance to drive a tank, do it. Because when are you going to be able to drive a tank again?

Jeff Scotch




In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm?

Garron Dace




I just wish some one would call me "sir"... without adding "you're making a scene".

Homer Simpson




If God is Love, and Love is blind, is Ray Charles God?




Women: can't live with them, can't herd them all to Canada.

Al Bundy




It's people like you who give scum a bad name.




Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.




I've had fun before. This isn't it.




The older you get, the more important is it not to act your age.




I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.

Governor George W. Bush, Jr.




"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."

Salvador Dali




"I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Warren Zevon




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