Laughs

 Page 35 of 94 (1879 quotes in this category)
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!

Bathroom Stall




It takes money to look this cheap.

Dolly Parton




Winston Churchhill once walked into the toilets of the House of Commons to find no room at the urinal, so he walked into one of the stalls. While in there he could hear Labour MPs saying "now he can't even pee with the rest of us", to which he peered over the top of the stall and replied "no it's just that if you saw something this big you would want to privatize it".




Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.




Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin




Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?




If I am what I eat them I am cheap, quick, and easy.




Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemmingway COOL!




Even impossible says I M POSSIBLE!




In the sixties, normal people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.

JC Mikesell




(On the back of an septic tank)
We're #1 in a #2 business!




It's not easy being green.

Kermit the Frog




The only real proof that there is intelligent life in outer space is that they have never tried to contact us.

Bill Watterson COOL!




Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

bumper sticker




Why do our noses run and our feet smell?




Suppose you were a Congressman. Suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain




"I am not retreating, I am advancing in a different direction."

General Douglas MacArthur




Teacher: "Well now we know what happens when you take a one-legged man's crutch away..." Me: "He learns to hop!"

Drumline Rehearsal (when they took our metronome away)




Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Charles Sykes




I believe that 5 out of 4 people are bad at fractions.

Jenny O.




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