Laughs

 Page 39 of 94 (1878 quotes in this category)
"My friend says I have to learn to love my periods, that they're part of the sacred cycle of the earth and the moon. Words failed me at this juncture, which was fortunate really because had I thought about it I would have told her to get on her sacred cycle and ride it off a sodding cliff"

Inconceivable




"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Homer Simpson




"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!"

Homer Simpson




"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

Homer Simpson




"I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world."

Homer Simpson




"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

Homer Simpson




"What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"

Homer Simpson




"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

Homer Simpson




"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Homer Simpson




"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight."

Homer Simpson




Ok, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!

Homer Simpson COOL!




"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achille's heel, if you will."

Homer Simpson




"Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whats-his-name?"

Homer Simpson




"You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on EVERY CAR!"

Homer Simpson




"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

Homer Simpson




"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

Homer Simpson




"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

Homer Simpson




"Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."

Homer Simpson




I used to be undecided, but now I'm not so sure.

Roscoe Pertwee




How to speak about men and be Politically Correct:
  • He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
  • He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
  • He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
  • He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
  • He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
  • He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
  • He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED
  • He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
  • He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
  • He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC VISION




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