Laughs

 Page 40 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
If you took a shit, please put it back.

Bathroom Graffiti




I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!

Dana Otto




Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

COOL!




What's another word for thesaurus?

Thomas Edison




Artists get to color the sky red because they know damn well that it's blue. But the rest of us non-artists have to color it blue, otherwise people might just think we're stupid.

Jules Feiffer




Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.

Homer Simpson




While I'm fully aware that money can't buy happiness, I wouldn't mind being known as that melancholy guy who drives the red Lamborghini Diablo.

George Olson




I doubt, therefore I might be.

Rene Descarte's younger brother




Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!




I'll keep it short and sweet: family, religion, and friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Mr. Burns, The Simpson’s




Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and a true one
A cold beer - and another one.

Cheers!




I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

Margaret Thatcher




Never knock on Death's door -- ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.




Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen




Why is the word Long shorter than Short?

CatScratch




We came, we saw, we drank beer

Joe baze




May the Lord reach out to you with his guiding hand and smack you upside the head with it.

Excel




I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends.




One who ponders about the meaning of existence, the definition of love, the signification of emotions or the sense of life should get himself a dictionary, preferably a fat one.

Mirna Monla




"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.

Dan Quayle




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