Laughs

 Page 43 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
In days of old when knights were bold,
and toilets weren't invented,
they dropped their load upon the road,
and walked away contented.

Bathroom stall in Seattle's King Street station




Never use while sleeping

Instruction on Conair hair dryer




When God made man, she was only joking.

Benny Hill show




Behind every successful woman, there is a suprised man.

A fridge magnet




Marriage is a 3 ring circus. You got the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.




Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Bumper sticker




Due to economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.




If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?




Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you




Bessie Braddock to Churchill: Winston, you're drunk!
Churchill's comeback: Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober.




Atheism is a non-prophet organisation




You call me a freak like it's a bad thing.




If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.




Here I sit in gastly vapor
Some dumb fuck used all the paper
No longer will I sit and linger
Look out asshole here comes my finger

Restroom Graffiti




By God, I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear.




Every five out of four people have problems with fractions




Love is a slow poison

Graffiti




When God made little boys, He made them out of string.
He found he had a bit too much so he left a little thing.
When God made little girls, He made them out of lace.
He found out he didn't have enough so He left a little space.




Every hottie with a body needs a cutie with a bootie.




I own a map of the United States, its actual size. When somebody asks me where I live, I say:"E-5"

Steven Wright




01   02   03   04   05   06   07   08   09   10  
11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20  
21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30  
31   32   33   34   35   36   37   38   39   40  
41   42   43   44   45   46   47   48   49   50  
51   52   53   54   55   56   57   58   59   60  
61   62   63   64   65   66   67   68   69   70  
71   72   73   74   75   76   77   78   79   80  
81   82   83   84   85   86   87   88   89   90  
91   92   93  
Next Page >>