Laughs

 Page 43 of 94 (1878 quotes in this category)
Don't sweat the petty things but also, don't pet the sweaty things.




In days of old when knights were bold,
and toilets weren't invented,
they dropped their load upon the road,
and walked away contented.

Bathroom stall in Seattle's King Street station




Never use while sleeping

Instruction on Conair hair dryer




When God made man, she was only joking.

Benny Hill show




Behind every successful woman, there is a suprised man.

A fridge magnet




Marriage is a 3 ring circus. You got the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.




Fat people are harder to kidnap.

Bumper sticker




Due to economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.




If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?




Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you




Bessie Braddock to Churchill: Winston, you're drunk!
Churchill's comeback: Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober.




Atheism is a non-prophet organisation




You call me a freak like it's a bad thing.




If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.




Here I sit in gastly vapor
Some dumb fuck used all the paper
No longer will I sit and linger
Look out asshole here comes my finger

Restroom Graffiti




By God, I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear.




Every five out of four people have problems with fractions




Love is a slow poison

Graffiti




When God made little boys, He made them out of string.
He found he had a bit too much so he left a little thing.
When God made little girls, He made them out of lace.
He found out he didn't have enough so He left a little space.




Every hottie with a body needs a cutie with a bootie.




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