Laughs

 Page 45 of 93 (1860 quotes in this category)
Friends are like condoms: they protect you when things get hard.




Your Problems are as big as you make them, and your solutions as simple as you want them to be.




We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.




Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.




IRS's motto: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!




I like your style, I like your class, but most of all I like your ass.

Failed pickup line




Stupid quote: Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Answer to stupid quote: Because they aren't put in the dryer.




Remember, desperation leads to masturbation.

Askmen.com




Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.

Charlie Brown




Did you hear about the Pilsbury Dough Boy? He's in the hospital, he has a yeast infection.




When a guy says "Suck it!" I say, "Sorry but I choke on small objects."




If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.




It is a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's seperation to ensure the propagation of the younger federation and the next generation.

Eric Cartman, South Park




God only made so many perfect heads; then He covered the rest with hair.




If the Pope takes a dump, is it Holy shit?




Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright.




Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

Jeff R. Evans




We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty.




Although the rotary engine was invented by a man called Wankel, it has nothing to do with masturbation. Confusion over this has lead to numerous nasty accidents.




When you see someone you haven't seen for ages, try this: say, "Hey, you've lost weight, haven't you? Turn around," and when they turn around say, "Oh no. There it is."




01   02   03   04   05   06   07   08   09   10  
11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20  
21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30  
31   32   33   34   35   36   37   38   39   40  
41   42   43   44   45   46   47   48   49   50  
51   52   53   54   55   56   57   58   59   60  
61   62   63   64   65   66   67   68   69   70  
71   72   73   74   75   76   77   78   79   80  
81   82   83   84   85   86   87   88   89   90  
91   92   93  
Next Page >>