Laughs

 Page 54 of 94 (1879 quotes in this category)
I'd rather let 5000 guilty men go free, then chase after them.

Chief Wiggums, The Simpsons




Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A: A quarter pounder with cheese

Fred Durst




Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Bumpersticker




In blue ink: "Here I sit all tired and dirty, trying to take a shit until 5:30"

In red ink just below it: "There you sit all dirty and tired, when you get out your ass is fired!

Bathroom Graffiti in a construction shit house




Hillbilly dating service:

I'd like to meet someone outside the family.

Whose Line is It Anyway?




The only thing that tops our pizza is our people.

Pizza Hut employment application




A common mistake people make when designing something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy




Our defense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer

Shaquile O'neal.




When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Sticker




Powers:"Who does number two work for?"
Arnold:"That's right bud. You show that turd who's boss."

Austin Powers




I have the body of a god! Too bad it's Buddah

Some fat guy




If sex is a pain in the ass... your doing it wrong!

Some bumper sticker




Jesus Saves! By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

Bumper Sticker




A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

W.C. Fields




Your name should be Campbell because your mmm... mmm... good




Homer: Now remember Lisa, always give in to peer pressure.
Lisa: But what if someone really bad tells me to do something really bad and...
Homer: ALWAYS

The Simpsons




When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain




That which does not kill you only makes you wish it had.

Rowing coach to team as they were running the 37 flights of stairs at the Harvard Stadium




Can't STOP, hammer time.

Graffiti on a local STOP sign




LIBRARY PARKING ONLY: violaters will be held in low esteem

Local library parking sign




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